


Silent Burdens

by SongsofPsyche



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Muteness, Ori is dead, Survivor Guilt, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 19:39:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongsofPsyche/pseuds/SongsofPsyche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kíli won't  talk after BOFA and no one can figure out why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is AU; mostly everyone survived the BOFA.

_"Ahh!" Kíli felt himself shout in surprise as a particularly large Goblin grabbed him by the front of his armor and pulled him up off the ground. Kíli struggled frantically against the grip, but his feet just kicked at air. The Goblin growled unpleasant things in a foreign tongue, and Kíli knew that he only had moments to escape death._

_"Help! Help! Someone! Fíli! Fíli!" he shouted, his voice lost in the cries of the battle._

_He then saw a glimpse of knitted hats and armor and saw a rock hit the goblin straight in the nose._

_"Ori, no look behind-"_

_Kíli then saw the youngest of the company fall, an orc spear stuck in his chest. He struggled against the goblin holding him, sticking his hunting knife into the large fleshy hand, the goblin dropped him._

_When he finally got to the body, he could already tell he was too late. Ori's eyes were glassed over, staring up into the sky, his face still shaped in surprise._

_"No! No no, no no!"_

_Ori did not deserve to die, not for him._

"Oin, quick!"

"What?"

"I think he moved."

Voices were all around him. It was dark and everything felt fuzzy. Kíli struggled to open his eyes, the light was too bright. He opened them slowly, and saw that he was not on the battlefield, but in a bedroom.  _What happened?_ He felt pressure on his hand, and turned to see his brother's smiling face.

"Hey there, Kee." Fíli said softly. Kíli just stared at him.

"Is he awake?" another voice asked

Fíli turned, "Yes, I think so. Can you hear me, Kíli?"

Kíli nodded, still a little dazed. Where was he? What had happened? The last thing he remembered was when-

He felt his breathe freeze in his lungs.

Ori. Ori was gone.  _Because of me._

Fíli was talking at him, the words going over his head as he struggled to breath again. He felt all eyes on him, did they know? Did they know what he did? He pushed himself up in the bed and felt hands steady him.

"Careful, not too fast. You were out for a long time." his brother warned him as he settled Kíli against the headboard of the bed.

Fíli couldn't help but think  _something is wrong._  His brother's silence was troubling him, he would have said something by now.  _He's still dazed from waking up, just give him a minute._

"How are you feeling?" he asked

Kíli just shrugged, not looking him in the eye.

"Are you hungry?"

Another shrug. Kíli watched as his brother's face creased in concern.

"You're so quiet. What's wrong?"

Kíli desperately wanted to answer his brother, to open his mouth and say  _I'm okay, everything is okay_  but as he reached down for the words he hit ice where they should be. He shook his head.

"Kíli?"

Fíli asked again, but all Kíli could do was shake his head again.

"Kee, please say something." his brother asked, now concerned with the silence. Kíli just shook his head,  _I can't_ he thought  _Ori will never be able to again, because of me. I cannot speak_

"Brother?"

Another head shake, but this time Fíli saw glassy eyes.  _Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong._ He turned to Oin, who was watching over his shoulder.

"I don't think he can speak."

Oin nodded, "Just give him some time. The battlefield can mess with one's head." he said softly, so Kíli wouldn't hear.

"Alright."

He turned back to his younger brother, who was wiping his face with his sleeve, hiding behind a veil of hair. Fíli didn't remember much of what had happened on the battlefield, he had been knocked unconscious halfway through it, after defending Thorin from Azog. He did know that he and Kíli had been separated for a time,  _maybe that's what this is about._ Whatever ailed his brother, he was determined to help him through it. If keeping silent was what Kíli needed to heal, then he would be there to support it.

He put a comfortable hand on Kíli's arm. "It's okay, Kíli. I'm glad you're here though. I was so afraid that I had lost you."

Kíli gave him a watery smile, then reached for him, pulling him into a hug.  _I'm glad you're here too._

888

As Kíli sat in as armchair by mantle in his room, staring out into nothing, as he often did now, Thorin shot Fíli a worried look. This was not the nephew he remembered from before the battle.

"What happened in battle? Do you know?" he asked quietly as he closed the door.

Fíli nodded, Through trial and error and by talking with the others, Fíli had been able to put together a sketchy idea of what happened to his brother on the battlefield.

"I think he blames himself, for Ori's death." Fíli answered, remembering how Kíli had gone stiff at the funeral when approached by Dori and Nori, how he had lingered too long at the young dwarf's grave, face unable to hide his grief.

Thorin was confused, "Why? We all do, someone should have been covering the lad."

"I don't know. He hasn't said anything since he woke up."

"Nothing at all?"

Fíli shook his head. "No."

"He's still grieving, give him some time."

888

Fíli sat across from his brother on the floor by the mantle, both engrossed in their game of cards that stretched between the two. Kíli grabbed a 9 and went to put it underneath the 10, but hesitated and looked up at his brother.

"That's right." Fíli assured him. Kíli smiled at confidently put the card down. Fíli laughed,

"That leaves me to do this"

And he put his line of straight cards underneath the 9, claiming the pile.

Kíli snorted and put his hands up in the air.

"Winning is all about confidence, brother."

Kíli smiled and shook his head, putting his hands underneath his chin, he examined the cards, plotting his next move.

Fíli watched his brother, and was glad that so far, today had been a good day. Kíli had yet to relapse back into the dark memories that so often haunted him.  _Maybe, just maybe today he wont._ The days had been getting better, even though Kíli hadn't uttered a word yet.

He watched as Kíli picked up a red 4, and tried to stick it underneath a red 5.

"Hey! That's cheating." He warned his brother, and Kíli gave him a confused look.

"It had to go red, black, red. Two of the same cant go next to each other. Remember?"

Kíli scoffed noiselessly, then pointed to the card that Fíli had played earlier; a red queen, next to a…

Red King.

_Oops._

"Well, uh that rule doesn't apply to the face cards." Fíli bluffed.

Kíli rolled his eyes, and then held up his hands, then signed something in iglishmek.

Fíli frowned, he didn't know that sign. Kíli had started using iglishmek a few days ago, after he had watched Bifur using it. This had been a slight concern at first, for they had thought that Kíli's use of the sign language signaled him giving up on trying to speak altogether, but Fíli knew his brother better than most. If this was what Kíli needed-a time of silence-to heal, than thats what Fíli would give him.

Regardless of what the others thought, iglishmek did make conversations easier between the two brothers.

"I don't know that one, but I assume it's something I wouldnt want to know." Kíli just smiled, and then spelled the word out for him  _L-i-a-r._

_"_ It was an honest mistake, make your move it you want. Even though it is technically wrong." Fíli commented and silently thanking Mahal for this rare but good mood.

888888

Thorin watched his nephew converse with Bifur in iglishmek and felt a wave of disproval wash over him. Yes, he was happy that Kíli had gone from an empty shell to a slightly fuller one that showed more of his old self but, he was unhappy with the way the lad was communicating. Instead of learning a new language, he should be trying to get his old one back.

Thorin sighed as he turned back to Fíli.

"Any improvement? From yesterday?" he asked anxiously. They had a little more than a week left until the others started arriving, and Thorin feared the rumors that would spread once they saw Kíli.  _What would they think of the mute prince?_

Fíli shook his head, but said, "Uncle, this is his way of coping. I dont think we can rush him."

"It's been nearly 3 weeks."

Fíli sighed. This was difficult for him; he wanted to support him brother, but was obligated as the prince to obey Thorin's wishes.

"I can't just snap my fingers at him and demand him to speak."

"You can't. But maybe I can." Thorin murmured, and then strod over to where Bifur and nephew were sitting.

"Bifur, may I have a moment alone with my nephew?" Thorin asked.

Bifur nodded, then waved a  _goodbye_ to Kíli and stood up, offering Thorin his chair.

Thorin sat, and stared at his nephew. This was all so new to him, he found that he didnt know what to say.

"Are you fairing alright?" he asked. Kíli nodded yes.

"Good."

There was an awkward silence.

"I heard news from your mother, she has started her journey."

Another nod.

"She would not want to see you like this."

Kíli froze.

"Whatever this is, you need to fix it."

Kíli shook his head. How did his uncle not understand? Ori was dead. Because of him, and his stupid voice.  _If I had just stayed quiet, not screamed when that goblin had picked me up, things would be different. It was my fault. All my fault._

Kíli paused. _Should I tell him?_

He raised his arms, forming the signs with his hands, but then-

"No!"

Thorin grabbed his nephews hands, stopping them mid-sign.

"If you want to say something, say it. No more of this, you are a prince, start acting like one!" he growled.

Kíli just glared, but behind the glare, Thorin could see something else, something deeper than just stubbornness. Kíli opened and closed his mouth a few times and Thorin then realized that the lad was trying to speak, but couldn't. Kíli pulled his hands out of Thorin's and turned away to stare out the window.

Temper taking over, Thorin stood up.

"I know you are grieving. But this has gone on long enough." he said softly, trying to control his anger. Then he turned and walked away, with a worried Balin running after him.

Fíli had been silently watching, but now he approached his brother and sat down in front of him

"Wouldn't it be easier, if you just spoke?" Fíli asked quietly

Kíli shook his head.

"Kíli, I'm sorry, it's just-we are all worried about you." He stated.

Kíli nodded.

"But if this is what you need to get better, then I'll be right by you, supporting you. Thorin is just stressed out, you know how he gets-with the new people arriving soon and his kingly duties. Just dont-dont give up, okay?"

Another nod.

Fíli smiled,  _good?_ He signed.

Kíli smiled slightly and returned the gesture.

_Good._

888

Bofur looked up from his book and watched Kíli walk into the newly cleaned library. Kíli saw him and he hesitated for a second, but then continued towards the scrolls. Bofur waited until he was close enough to speak.

"Hello Kíli."

A nod.

"How are you doing today?"

A shrug.

"Looking for anything in particular?"

Another shrug.

It still surprised him, to see the lad like this. They had all been affected by the battle, but Kíli had seemed to have taken it the hardest. Bofur had spent a few hours with him a few days ago, when both Fíli and Thorin had been meeting with Dain. He had chatted away mindlessly as the lad stared out the window. The silence didn't bother him though, he had had enough experience with Bifur to know how to fill the gaps and was particularly good at detecting body launguage. Unlike Thorin, Bofur found the lad's use of iglishmek encouraging, at least he was  _trying_ to communicate.

He watched silently as Kíli continued to stroll among the scrolls, hands running over the ancient scripts until finally he rested his head on the shelves, and to Bofur's surprise, let out a quiet voiceless sob.

Concerned, Bofur cautiously walked over to the lad and extended his arm.

"Kíli?" he asked softly

Kíli turned his head away, but not before Bofur caught a glimpse of his grief stricken face. He rested his hand on his shoulder.

"What is troubling you, lad?" he asked softly.

Kíli just shook his head, and Bofur saw a few teardrops fall on the ancient scripts. Bofur tightened his grip on Kíli's shoulder, and then pulled him away from the shelf.

"Come, let's sit down, and have a cuppa' tea." he told him gently, and Kíli allowed him to lead him over to the small library table.

Bofur put a steaming mug in front of Kíli, who sat motionless in his chair, staring at his hands.

"Things have been hard." Bofur started, and he saw Kíli nod slightly.

"You should not be suffering alone." he continued.

Kíli's eyes flashed up.

Bofur paused, then asked "Haven't your heard it said that we ought to bear one another's burdens?"

Kíli just stared at him, frozen.

"Let us help you."

At that moment, the only thing Kíli wanted to do was to confess, to tell his friend what really happened, why Ori was gone. That it was his fault, and then maybe, just maybe the burden of guilt hanging from his chest would disappear and he would finally be free of the memories that haunted him. He opened his mouth, to say  _I feel like I am unraveling, and it is scaring me. So many things have happened that have been out of my control, and I do not know what to do._ But his voice was still frozen somewhere inside of him, and he could not find it.

_"_ Scared." he signed

"Scared? Of what?"

_Myself-That I might do something that I'll regret later. It was my fault he died, Bofur._

Kíli's hands hesitated before he signed "My fault."

Bofur furrowed his brow in concern. As far as he knew, this was the first time Kíli had reached out to anybody since the battle. He didn't know what to make of it, and he was certainly sure that he was not the right person for this. Never the less, Kíli was part of the company, and he deserved his support.

"What was your fault, Kíli?" Bofur asked slowly.

Kíli sighed noiselessly, this was harder than he thought it would be. Hands shaking, he signed the three letters that had been haunting him since he woke up.

"O-r-i"

"Ori?"

A nod.

Bofur paused. He had attended the lad's funeral, paid respects to his brothers and had mourned with the others. He knew of this loss, and how it affected the entire company. This confession was new to him and he didnt know exactly how to take it.

"It wasnt your fault, lad. We all should have been watching him. Dont take this burden upon yourself."

Kíli shook his head. Bofur didn't understand, it was  _his fault_ that Ori had suffered so. If he hadn't yelled, if he had been just a little bit braver, a little bit stronger, a little bit faster, everything would be different.

Bofur reached across the table and patted the lad's hand. Kíli continued to stare down at the table.

"It wasn't your fault." Bofur told him sternly.

"Kíli? Kíli, look at me."

Kíli's eyes darted up and around, not exactly meeting his.

"It was not your fault." Bofur repeated, and stared at Kíli until their eyes met. Kíli nodded a little, and through his hair Bofur saw glassy eyes.

"Ori was a good lad, he would not have wanted you to suffer like this in silence."

A nod.

"He always spoke very highly of you."

A stare.

Bofur released Kíli's hands, and then motioned towards the stands of scrolls around them.

"Why don't you help me organize these scrolls? For a while? I could use the company."

And to his surprise, Kíli nodded and gave him a small smile.

_Ori would have loved this._

888


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dori nodded, then after a moment said; “I told him to stay by me, to not let me out of his sight. That was the one time he didn’t listen to his older brother. He was such a good lad. I don't want his memory tarnished by guilt.”

888

“Good Morning, Dori.” Bofur said cheerfully as he sat across from the elder dwarf in Erebor’s massive dining hall. Dori nodded and gave him a cheerful smile.

“ Morning, Bofur. Would you like some tea?”

“Nah, Im alright. Thanks though.”

“What can I do for you, Mister Bofur?” Dori then asked.

“I think you need to speak with Kíli.” Bofur told him, in a serious tone.

“Kíli?”

“I think he blames himself for Ori’s death.”

“Oh.” Dori felt the familiar pang of loss in his chest. He missed his younger brother dearly. He had grieved for the appropriate amount of time, and now wore the traditional black of mourning. He couldn't afford to loose himself completely to grief though, he had to be brave for Nori.

He had noticed Kíli’s change in character though. The entire company had, and just like the others, Dori was concerned.

“Has he spoken yet?” he asked Bofur. The dwarf shook his head.

“No.”

“That’s not good.”

“I know. On a rare occasion he’ll use iglishmek, if he needs too, but thats it.” Bofur said, then after a slight pause, continued, “He used it the other day, actually. He told me that he was scared.”

“Scared? Of what?” Dori asked

Bofur shrugged, “I don't know, but then he spelled out Ori’s name, so I thought it must be something to do with what happened on the battlefield.”

“And what would like me to do?”

“I think you should speak with him, tell him it wasn't his fault. I think the moment he realizes that, he’ll be able to speak again.” Bofur explained, hoping that Nori would agree with his plan.

Nori nodded, then after a moment said; “I told him to stay by me, to not let me out of his sight. That was the one time he didn’t listen to his older brother. He was such a good lad. I don't want his memory tarnished by guilt.”

“Then you’ll speak with him?” 

Dori nodded, “Aye, I will.”

888

Fíli glanced anxiously at his brother, who was sitting on the bed with a book propped up with his knees. But as far as Fíli could tell, he wasn't reading. His eyes were frozen upon the pages, staring into nothing. Fíli watched for a few more seconds, then stood up from his chair and walked over to his brother, and sat down on the bed in front of him.

“Hey Kee. You alright?” he asked softly.

Kíli continued to stare for a moment, but then looked up at Fíli and nodded.

Fíli gave him a small smile. 

“What are you reading?” he asked

Kíli pushed the book up over his knees so Fíli could see the title, which was in Kuzdul.

“Mister Balin would be proud, remember how he used to spend hours trying to get us to read?”

Kíli nodded.

Even though Fíli was now used to these one sided conversations, it still made him slightly uncomfortable. Was it only four weeks ago that he had complained about his brother’s endless chatter? He would give anything now to hear that voice again. Kíli had been quiet--quieter for the last couple of days, he hadn't signed or used any other sort of communication with him since Thorin had yelled at him and Fíli didn't know what to do. Maybe today was just a bad day. 

“You’ve been quiet.” he said, Kíli shrugged his shoulders a little bit. 

“What’s on your mind, brother? Was it Thorin? Because he was just being _Thorin,_ you know he’s just stressed. He means well, he really does. If you want to use iglishmek, that’s completely fine. I understand.”

Kíli shrugged again, looking down at his hands.

Fíli sighed, it was almost impossible to tell what his brother was feeling, or thinking.  He stood up.

“Shall we go outside? He asked

Another shrug

“Come on, brother. The sunshine will do you good.”

A nod.

Fíli smiled as Kíli put the book down and stood up.

888

Nori and Dori strolled pleasantly through the newly refurbished upper mountain gardens. Surprisingly, it had been Nori, and Bifur who had thought to start a garden, despite their dislike in anything green. Dori thought it was a lovely idea, and hoped that maybe this new green life would help his younger brother. Nori had taken the death of Ori hard, perhaps not as hard as Kíli but enough to cause concern.  Fortunately the discovery of this garden had helped with his grieving, and Dori couldn't help but smile at his brothers new found love for the herbs and flowers growing among the rocks.

Nori knelt down and examined a small bush with yellow flowers.

“These ones survived the frost from last night, sturdy little ones, they are!” he said excitedly, and Dori nodded.

“That’s good! We can always use more mustard flowers in the kitchen.”

Nori smiled, “They are quite tasty, especially on those biscuits Bombur makes so w--” Nori stopped short, smile faltering as he traced something with his eyes behind Dori.

Dori turned around and saw Fíli and Kíli entering the garden, he gave a small wave. Fíli returned it but Kíli just stared at them. It had been slightly awkward for the four of them to be around each other, since the funeral. Dori suspected that Nori blamed Kíli for the death of Ori just as much as Kíli did. If he did, he never said anything though.

Dori thought about what Bofur said to him earlier, about Kíli being scared, and feeling guilty. Perhaps Bofur was right, if they were able to make the lad understand that it wasn't anybodies fault, then maybe he would speak.

Nori narrowed his eyes at the young princes. Of course, Kíli was the one getting all the attention with his little _act._ He didn't understand why Kíli was doing this, he wasn't even related to Ori! In fact, Kíli had never really liked Ori, always shoving him off every time he had asked questioned. Nori shook his head,  _it’s all just a plea for attention._

He stood up from where he was crouched down and watched as Fíli lead Kíli over to them, hand on his arm.

“Good Afternoon! The garden looks wonderful, doesn't it, Kíli?” Fíli said, looking admirably around.

Nori nodded, “It’s really all thanks to Bifur, he found the place.”

“Everything has survived so far, even these little mustard plants. I had thought for sure the frost last night had taken them.” Nori continued, pointing down towards the yellow flowers.

Fíli smiled, “That’s wonderful!” then he laughed a little bit. Nori gave him a look, “What?”

“Oh, its nothing. I just never thought you would become a gardener.”

“Oh?”

“It’s a good thing though, better a gardener than a thief, right?” Fíli asked, smiling.

Dori smiled, clasping his brother on the shoulder, “Well, I’m glad at least somebody thinks so. How’s the lad doing?” he asked, motioning towards Kíli, who was standing to Fíli’s right, staring down at the yellow flowers.

Fíli hesitated, but before he could answer, Nori scoffed quietly and shook his head, then strode away towards the garden shed.

Fíli furrowed his brow, “Is he alright? I didn't mean anything by the gardener---”

“No, no it wasn't you.” Dori assured him

“Oh.”

There was an awkward silence. Until finally Dori motioned for Fíli to come.

“May I have a private word?” he asked

Fíli nodded, “Sure, Dori. Hold on, I just--”

And he motioned towards Kíli, who was still staring at the flower and Dori nodded. He watched as Fíli lead his brother over to a bench, murmuring soft words to him, and then walked back over to Dori.

“What would you like to talk about?” he asked.

888

 

Kíli stared after his brother and watched as he and Dori spoke. He fought panic as Dori looked at him, and desperately tried to think of a way to escape, to try to make this all better but he couldn't. The burden of guilt hung too heavy in his chest, making it impossible for him to move from his spot. _They blame you. It’s your fault he is dead. You killed him._ He picked at a hangnail, scratching at it until it turned red, the pain helped dull the feeling of guilt. Thorin’s words circled around in his head _no more of this, no more of this, no more of this._ How was he supposed to fix _this_ when he couldn't even tell anyone what was wrong?He wished he could confess to someone, to tell them what he did and beg for forgiveness, but his voice was still frozen and now his hands were too.

_I don't know how much longer I can go on like this._

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw Dori staring down at him. He tried to suppress a shiver and quiet the _it’s your fault, it’s your fault, it’s your fault_ mantra in his head. He looked around for Fíli, but couldn't find him. _He left me, he left me by myself to try to explain to Dori what I did._

“Hello lad. May I sit?” Dori asked kindly, trying to ignore the look of panic on the younger dwarf’s face. Kíli nodded, not look at him in the eye. They sat in silence for a few minutes, then Dori said;

“It was not your fault.”

Silence.

“You’ve probably heard that a lot, these past few weeks. But it’s true.”

Silence.

“He was a good lad. He would have defended any one of us.”

Silence.

“Kíli, look at me.”

Dori sighed. He knew he wasn't getting through to the lad. Kíli sat motionless next to the elder, eyes glued to his hands. Dori reached up, cupping Kíli’s chin in his hand, and then gently tilted his head up, making him meet him in the eye.

“No one blames you, laddie.It was not your fault, Ori fell defending your honor because he loved you like his own brother. He would have not wanted you to be this broken. You must find strength to carry on. If you cant do it for you, do it for him.”

Kíli’s eyes turned glassy and he blinked a few times, then turned his head away from Dori.

_How can you say that? How can you think that you know everything? You were’nt there. You didn't see him fall. It wasn't your voice that killed him, it was mine._

_Mine, it was my fault._

“Kíli?”

Kíli just shook his head.

“You want to tell me something, don't you?” Dori asked slowly, hoping, and praying that the lad will realize that he was there to help. Kíli seemed to be getting more and more on edge.  He paused, then raised his hands slowly, folding his fingers together nervously. _Should I? I can’t. But I should. Thorin wont like it. But he’s not here. I cant. Just try, only a few words. I cant._

Dori seemed to have noticed this inner battle, for he said;

“You can tell me in anyway you choose, Kíli. Words are words regardless of their form.”

Kíli nodded. Then slowly signed; “Ori. My fault.”

Dori sighed, “It’s alright, it was not your fault, we all--”

Kíli pointed to his throat, not knowing the word for it in iglishmek, then signed, “Ori. Answered.”

Dori shook his head, “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

Kíli shook his head, and repeated the motions. When Dori still didnt get it, he waved it off and signed “Forget.” Then stood up, and ran.

888

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dori could tell the lad was on the brink of saying something, so close he was! He tried to look encouraging, but then, just as suddenly as it came, the look was gone. Kíli shook his head and went back to staring at his knees.

888

Bilbo stared up and around in wonders at the great ceiling of the hallway he was walking through. This place was truly magical, and he was a little sad that he would be leaving in a few days time. Even though Thorin had said he had forgiven him for stealing the Arkenstone, he still felt the tension in the room whenever they were together. He thought it was best to leave. He was so wonderstruck by the ceiling that he did not see the whirl of blue coming towards him, and was slightly surprised when he found himself on the floor, with a dark haired dwarf on top of him.

“Oh! Hello Kíli! In a rush, I see?” he said pleasently, happy to run into someone he knows. Kíli rolled off him, blushing a deep red and making a sign with his right hand. Bilbo assumed it ment “sorry”.

“Oh, no that’s okay. I should have been looking where I was going. This place is amazing, isnt it?” Bilbo told him, and Kíli just nodded.

There was an awkward silence. Bilbo had heard of Kíli’s muteness through word of mouth but he had yet the chance to see the lad, or offer comfort.

Kíli pulled himself up to standing, then offered Bilbo a hand up. Bilbo took it up.

“Thanks, Kíli.” and then he noticed Kíli’s disheveved state, and how his eyes were too bright. “Are you alright?”

Kíli pauses for a moment, then shakes his head slightly. _No, of course Im not alright. Dori knows that it was my fault. I killed his little brother. It was my fault. MY FAULT._

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked and was shot with a somewhat incredulous look.

“Right, sorry.”

A pause

“Have you tried? Talking, I mean because I had a cousin once who--”

Bilbo was cut off by another sharp look.

“Sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

Kíli shook his head, and he looked so lost that Bilbo felt himself tearing up. He touched Kíli’s elbow.

“Well, if you ever need anything, I’ll be here. And you can write to me, when Im back in the shire.”

Kíli nodded and smiled a little bit, then touched the hobbits shoulder, silently saying _thanks_ before he takes off down the hall.

888

Fíli heard Dori’s shouts from the garden and had come running, only to find Dori sitting by himself with his head in his hands.

“What happened?”

“He took off.” Dori told him.

“Did he tell you anything?”

“I think--I think he tried. But I didnt understand and then he ran. He looked so trapped.”

Fíli sighed and sat down next to the elder.

“I dont know what to do”

They sat in silence for some time, watching the wind blow the flowers of the garden, until finally Dori spoke;

  
“He’s still trying to figure things out. He’s young, maybe too young to see what he saw in that battle. Give him time, he’ll know when he’s ready.” Dori told him.

Fíli shook his head, “Thorin is getting worried, its been over a month. What if he never speaks?”

“Then you’ll have to accept that. He needs your support, Fíli.”

Fíli sighed, “I know. I just--I just wish he--I miss him.”

Dori patted Fíli’s shoulder, “We all do.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, then Fíli stood up.

“I should find him.”

Dori nodded, “You’re a good brother, Fíli. Be there for him, he needs you.”

888

Fíli woke to a scream.

He bolted up and jumped out of bed. Who? Where? Then he heard a timid knock at the door, and before he could answer, Bilbo opened it.

“Im so sorry to bother you---”

“What happened?”

“It’s Kíli, we think--Thorin thinks he had a nightmare.” Bilbo answered

“He spoke to you?” Fíli asked, but Bilbo shook his head sadly.

“You should come, quickly.” was all he answered, then he motioned for Fíli to follow.

Fíli trotted to keep up with the hobbit as they walked down the hallway to his brothers room. Inside, Fíli saw Oin, Dori and Thorin crowded around the little bed where his brother sat. Kíli had curled up into a ball, his head on his knees and fingers intertwined in his hair.  He was breathing heavily, and Fíli could see his shoulders shaking as he rocked back and forth.

He pushed past the others who were crowding the bed, “give him some room.” he murmured, and then sat on the bed infrom of Kíli. 

“What happened?” he asked Thorin, who was sitting in a chair next to the bed.

“We think he had a nightmare, he woke with a scream.”

“I heard, has he said anything?”

Thorin shook his head, “no, but atleast we now know he still has a voice.”

Fíli nodded, then turned back to his brother.

“Kíli?” he asked, but Kíli remained as he was, his breath hitching as he tried to control his breathing.

Fíli put his hand on Kíli’s elbow and winced as Kíli flinched away from his touch.

“Hey, it’s alright. It was just a nightmare.”

Kíli shook his head, and his grip tightened on his hair. Fíli grabbed his hands, “don’t do that, Kee.”he whispered softly.

“Look at me, brother. Can you do that?” he asked, and to his relief Kíli looked up at him, brown eyes glinting in the torchlight. Fíli then held his hands up and started signing in iglishmek

“What happened? Can you tell me?” Fíli asked and signed, and he heard Thorin huff and mumble under his breathe, but he ignored it. Kíli remained still, staring at Fíli’s hands.

“Tell us, Kíli. We know you have a voice. Use it.” Thorins rough voice made Kíli jump, and he stared fearfully at his uncle, his mouth opening and closing.

“Thorin…” Fíli started, but Thorin waved Fíli away with his hand.

“He has to understand that this has gone on for long enough. He needs to speak!”

“Cant you see he’s trying?” Fíli shot back, turning towards his uncle.

“It’s not good enough, hes not trying hard enough.”

“You dont know that! You dont know what he’s been through.”

“Neither do you!”

“ENOUGH!” both Fíli and Thorin froze at the voice, Dori had returned, with a tray and teakettle.

“What has gotten into the two of you? Arguing about the lad as if he’s not even here. Go quibble somewhere else.” He stated angrily, eyes glinting as he looked from Thorin to Fíli. Thorin stood, but Fíli remained on the bed, one hand stretched out towards his brother--

“You too, Fíli.”

“I---”

“Go.”

Even in the state he was Fíli wouldnt disobey a direct order from an elder.

“Are you alright, Kíli?” he asked softly, but his brother had put his head back on his knees, and didnt answer. Dori put a hand on Fíli’s shoulder.

“Go, I’ll take it from here.”

“But-”

“Go, Fíli.”

With a sigh, Fíli left. Thorin and Bilbo trailing behind him.  Oin handed Dori a packet of herbs and signed “sleep” before he too left.

Dori sat the tray down on the desk, and then moved over the tangled blankets so he could sit next to Kíli, who hadnt moved at all.

“Ive been thinking a lot, about what you said earlier.” Dori started then paused as Kíli’s head rose slightly, turning towards him to listen.

“I dont know exactly what happened on the battlefield, I dont think any of us will truely know, but I want to make it clear to you that what happened to Ori was not your fault.”

Kíli shook his head and burrowed his face deeper into his arms. Dori sighed, he felt like he was going around in circles. Repeating the same thing over and over again. He thought about what Kíli had tried to say earlier, the hands motions going through his head; _ori, answered, my fault._

“Ori was trying to save you.” he said suddenly, as it clicked in his head.

Kíli’s head shot up, and a look of panic crossed his face.

“you called for help, and he answered.”

There were tears in Kíli’s eyes now, he brought his hands up to his face.

“There is no shame in that, Kíli. Ori was a loyal lad, he would have answered to any one of us. Do not blame yourself for his choice.” Dori said softly, reaching over to pat Kíli’s back. 

Finally, Kíli looked up at him, their eyes met for a split secound but then Kíli looked up and away, staring at the nothing behind Dori. 

Kíli opened his mouth, _say you’re sorry, tell him, speak right now, say something say anything!_ But he shook his head as the image of Ori’s frozen face loomed in his mind’s eye, rendering him silent, _Im sorry, I cant right now, nothing I say right now will ever bring him back._

Dori could tell the lad was on the brink of saying something, so close he was! He tried to look encouraging, but then, just as suddenly as it came, the look was gone. Kíli shook his head and went back to staring at his knees.

“It’s alright, lad.” he said, patting his shoulder.

“Take your time, dont pay attention to what Thorin or the others have to say. You’ll know when your ready. And when you are, I’ll be here--we will all be here to listen.”

Kili nodded and gave Dori a small smile.

Dori reached for the tea, sprinkling in Oin’s herbs

“Here, drink this. It’ll help you sleep.”

Kili nodded, and then signed “Thank you.”

“Your welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kíli settled himself in the chair and examined the puzzle infront of him. It was of Erebor, naturally. Bifur had always put together all of the edges, and was working contently on pieces of the sky. Quickly, Kíli picked out two pieces that matched and stuck them together. He looked up and smiled at Fíli. See, I'm still good at some things.

Three hundred pieces of broken up puzzle lay scattered across the kitchen table. Bifur studied them carefully as Bombur idly stirred soup in a huge pot by the fire. They both started slightly as someone knocked on the kitchen door.

"Come in!" Bombur shouted, and smiled slightly as Fíli entered, leading Kíli behind him.

"Hello young princes. What may I do for you today?" Bombur asked pleasently. He had always liked the two brothers, they reminded him of himself, way back in the day.

"Morning" Fíli answered with a tired smile, meeting Bombur in the eye.

"I came to ask a favor, actually. I have to go to a meeting with Thorin and Dain in a bit, we're planning for new arrivals from the Blue Mountains. I dont want Kíli to be alone, can you watch-uh can he sit here with you?" Fíli asked, putting a hand on Kíli's shoulder.

Bombur smiled and nodded. He felt for the younger prince. They all did. Kíli still hadnt spoken a word, and since the nightmare had been quiet and distant with everyone, even Fíli. Bombur knew it was just part of the mourning process, but he still felt a pang of sadness whenever he saw Kíli. The lad reminded him too much of his own brother, the one who sat at the kitchen table studying a child's game, the axe gleaming in the low torchlight.

"Of course. He can sit there with Bifur, we started a new puzzle today." Bombur answered, motioning with his ladle towards the kitchen table.

Fíli returned his smile, and felt a wave of gratitude towards their cook.

"Thank you."

He motioned towards Kíli and pulled out the chair for his brother. Kíli's eyes lit as he saw the puzzle and Fíli smiled. Kíli had loved puzzles when they were younger, he would spend hours and hours next to the fire studying them during the winter months. He hoped that this childhood ritual would help Kíli, maybe even get him talking again.

Kíli settled himself in the chair and examined the puzzle infront of him. It was of Erebor, naturally. Bifur had always put together all of the edges, and was working contently on pieces of the sky. Quickly, Kíli picked out two pieces that matched and stuck them together. He looked up and smiled at Fíli.  _See, I'm still good at some things._

Fíli returned the smile, "That's good, Kíli. Stay here with Bifur and help him finish. I'll be back in a bit, all right?"

Kíli nodded, then turned back to the puzzle.

They worked in silence, and for the first time Kíli felt truly relaxed. Here, there were no pressures for him to speak, no sideways glances, no sighs and hums of pity. It felt good, to be in a place where his silence was accepted.

Bifur tapped on the table, and Kíli looked up at him. Bifur raised his hands up, then signed " _found blue piece_ " and pointed to the edge nearest Kíli.

Kíli looked, and saw the protruding blue piece from the pile. He picked it up and handed it to Bifur, who gave him a toothy smile. He then pointed to a pile of green pieces.

" _Kíli work on green trees."_

Kíli smiled and nodded, then started gathering the green pieces.

They continued to work in silence, signing to each other occasionally when one got stuck until finally Bifur pushed his chair back and stood up, stretching.

Kíli stood too and Bifur smiled.

"You two done?"

Kíli jumped slightly, then turned to see Bombur behind them, a tray in hand. Kíli shook his head.

" _take rest."_ he signed, looking at Bifur to make sure he was using the correct signs. Bifur shook his head, and then signed a sentence Kíli didn't understand.

"that's the sign for break, what you did  _rest_ means sleep." Bombur explained. Kíli nodded, and accepted the glass of water the older dwarf held out.

"The both of you got really far, on that puzzle." Bombur told them, admiring the puzzle.

"You really have a knack for these kind of things, Kíli."

Kíli blushed, then sat back down in the chair, ready to take on more of the puzzle. By the time Fíli got back, it was finished and Kíli felt happier than he had been in a long while.

Fíli smiled, today had been a good day.

888

Fíli opened the door to the study and motioned for his brother to walk in. Thorin had requested that his nephews have lunch with him in his private study. Kíli hesitated, bringing up a hand to his mouth and chewing on a hangnail-a habit that he had picked up a few days ago. Fíli knew Thorin had always made Kíli nervous, but never before had he seen his brother this edgy.

Fíli grabbed his brothers hand, "Don't do that, Kee. Everything will be fine, I promise." Kíli gave him an incredulous look.

"Dont look at me like that, it's just lunch. What could go wrong?" Fíli murmured softly, soft enough that the a waiting Thorin could not hear.

Kíli shrugged, but stayed where he was. Fíli tugged on his brother's sleeve.

"Come on."

And Kíli followed.

Thorin was sitting at the table, with Balin next to him. Both elders stood, and Balin motioned for the brothers to sit.

To Fíli's relief, lunch went normally. As normal as it could go with Kíli's silence. It wasn't until they were done eating that Thorin addressed his youngest nephrew.

"Kíli" Thorin started, Kíli looked up from his plate, eyes darting up and around his uncle, not meeting him in the eye.

"You will start work in the library tomorrow" he countinued

Fíli stared. This had not been the plan, he and Kíli had been preparing to scout out the west end of Erebor together, with a small troop of dwarves that had come in from Ered Luin. It was to be their first solo scouting mission as the princes of Erebor.

"The library?" Fíli interjected

Thorin nodded.

"The wild is no place for someone with Kíli's impediment." he answered.

Fíli saw Kíli's face flush.

"Impediment?" Fíli asked.

"He wont speak."

"But there are other ways, iglishmek, signs-"

Fíli was interrupted by Thorin slapping the table.

"Those arent good enough!"

Balin put a restraining hand on Thorin, trying to calm him as Kíli shrank back against his chair, eyes wide.

"But-" Fíli tried to argue, but Thorin cut him off.

"You will follow my orders. Three days from now, you are to report to the front gate, and Kíli is to go to the library to help Bofur." Thorin told him, his voice forcefully calm.

There was a pause as Fíli glared at his uncle, then;

"You are dismissed."

Fíli stood slowly, and watched as his brother stood up and bolted from the room.

"Kíli!" he called, but before he ran after his brother he turned and bowed to Thorin and Balin with a mumble of "thank you".

"Kíli!" Fíli shouted as he followed the younger dwarf down the hallway.

"Wait! Please!"

He watched as Kíli turned left down another corrider, towards their rooms.

Fíli found his brother sitting on the ground near the hearth, his back against one of the room's chairs. Fíli sighed, then sat down next to him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the fire crackle and burn.

"It's unfair." Fíli stated.

Silence.

"Don't let him get to you though. I dont think he understands what youre going through."

Silence.

"I miss you, Kíli" Fíli whispered, and Kíli looked at him, brow furrowed in confusion. He held up his hands and signed;

" _I am here."_

Fíli nodded, "But you're not. I miss  _you._ I just-I just wish that battle never happened. Everything would be different." he whispered.

Kíli stared at his brother, hating seeing him like this.  _Say something, comfort him, let him know you're still the same person you've always been._ He wished he could, just for a moment forget everything that happened and go back to the way things were. Even though this was their home now, it didnt feel like it. It held too many bad memories, even though it was brand new.

Fíli looked up at Kíli, "and most of all, I miss your voice."

Kíli felt a pang of guilt. He knew how hard this was on his brother, and on everyvody around him. He just wasn't ready yet, he didn't know if he would ever be ready to speak again.

888

File looked up from his book and watched as his brother rolled over to his side, still asleep. Since the nightmare, Kíli had refused to sleep at all, unless somebody was with him.

"Hmmmmmmm Fíli?" Kíli mumbled

Fíli sat up in his chair. Kíli spoke? Kíli was speaking! He felt like jumping for joy. He rushed to his brothers side.

"Yes? Yes Kíli, I'm here."

Kíli's eyes remained closed as he mumbled, "The orcs. The orcs have shimmied in the pot roast again."

Fíli paused. The  _what_ did  _what?_

Kíli's face scrunched, "I cant-I cant…."

"Can't what? Come on Kíli, talk to me."

"hmmm roast orcs"

Fíli sighed and fought back tears. When they were little Kíli used to talk in his sleep all the time, his ramblings of nonsense usually the highlight of the breakfast table the next morning. Now it made Fíli sad, whatever ailed Kíli was strictly part of his own conscious, and it was only himself that was holding him back.

Fíli reached out and grabbed Kíli's hand.

"It's alright Kíli."

Kíli pulled his hand away, and then his eyes flashed open.

"Fíli?" he asked again, Fíli couldn't tell whether he was awake or not.

"Yes, brother."

"-I-I-I-screamed, I-couldn't-help-him. Im sorry. Im so so so sorry." Kíli gasped and shook, curling into a ball, hands grasping his hair as he tried to catch his breath.

"It's okay, shhhh its okay." Fíli tried to comfort him, not really knowing if Kíli was actually awake or if he'd remember any of this in the morning.

"No, no no no. Its never okay. I cant, I cant cant cant." Kíli continued to murmur into his pillow.

"Yes you can. You are so strong, Kíli." Fíli tried to reassure his brother, rubbing his back. Atleast now they knew why Kíli was so upset, Dori had told him and Thorin earlier that evening. Thorin had hurummphed and shrugged and demanded that they find a way to fix this problem. Fíli had nodded along, but he knew his brother, and he also knew that Kíli would only speak when he felt ready to. It was just a matter of time. In the mean time, he would try not to pressure Kíli.

Kíli's grip in his hair relaxed slightly as sleep overtook him. Fíli hummed a nonsense tune under his breathe as he watched his brother slowly relax. The days were getting better, despite the nightmares. Fíli felt a pang in his chest as he remembered the days before the battle. When the clear peel of Kíli's laughed rippled through the night air and his smile lit up to his eyes. Maybe, just maybe tomorrow Kíli would speak, and then things would once again return to normal.

888


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You'll be alright here. I'm sure Bofur will need help reading some of the old Khuzdul runes, you were always good at those."
> 
> Kíli nodded, but didn't look up. Fíli sighed, and berated himself for mentioning the trip. Up until now today had been pretty good, Kíli had been present, and was using iglishmek. He hadn't spoken though, not since that one night where he had been half asleep.

Thorin glared at the stack of papers looming over his desk. He had forgotten how much paperwork came with being King. He was happy with the progress they were making though, Fíli had really proved himself as Prince. All those frustrating politics lessons with Balin had really paid off. Thorin jumped slightly as someone knocked on the door. He looked up and saw Dwalin enter the room.

Dwalin motioned towards the papers, "going well?" he asked

Thorin nodded, "Slowly but surely."

Dwalin sat down in the chair across from Thorin. "I spoke with Fíli, and he told me Kíli is not coming with us.

Thorin nodded, "He is to start work in the library, with Bofur."

Dwalin sighed, and Thorin shot him a look.

"What? Are you questioning my authority?"

Dwalin shook his head, "He's a good lad, Thorin. He reminds me a lot of a young dwarf I knew, after Azanulbizar."

Thorin sighed, and fiddled with his quill and tried desperately to block out those memories. The ones of him sitting idly by the fire, willing himself to speak as others stood around him, concern laced in their voices. The face of Frerin haunting his mind's eye and freezing his voice.

"We thought we had lost you, those few weeks after the battle." Dwalin continued, then he reached out and covered Thorin's hand with his "But you pulled through in the end. The lad is strong, have faith in him. Just like we had faith in you."

Thorin pulled his hand away, "It's been weeks."

"If a time of silence is what he needs to recover, you should respect that."

Thorin looked up at Dwalin, "I don't know what to do."

Dwalin sighed, "Go talk to him, let him know he has your support. Be there as his Uncle, a family member he can trust."

Thorin nodded, "I'm just trying to protect him."

"Fíli says he's been getting quieter every day. We thought he was getting better when he started with iglishmek." Dwalin continued.

"Is this about the expedition?" Thorin snapped, "Because he's not going. Did Fíli put you up to this?"

Dwalin shook his head.

"Have faith in him, Thorin."

"What if something happens? What if he gets in a place where he can't shout for help. Then what? I can't bare to loose him, we have lost too many already."

Dwalin sighed again, "Im not saying he should come. But you should go talk to him. They're doing a puzzle in the main hall right now."

"What should I say?"

"What you just told me."

888

" _Those don't fit."_

_"_ Well, I'll just make them fit. This puzzle is impossible!" Fíli huffed in frustration and gestured at the 500 pieces of puzzle which consisted of mostly green and blue.

Kíli just rolled his eyes and continued to put the corner together, piece by piece.

"What's this a picture of anyway?"

Kíli spelled out " _Shire"_ and then added " _Reminded me of Bilbo"_

"I can't believe he left us only a month ago. I miss him, and all his handkerchiefs." Fíli said, as he shifted through more green pieces.

Kíli nodded, then reached for a piece and connected it to the puzzle, completing the entire edge of the picture.

"Wow Kee, you're good at this. Way faster than me." Fíli praised, he rarely had this much patience for puzzles, but he liked keeping Kíli company.

"I'd rather be doing this than helping Mister Dwalin catalog the supplies for the trip."

Fíli immediately regretted the comment as he watched Kíli's smile fade, no doubt remembering their lunch with Thorin a few days before.

"You'll be alright here. I'm sure Bofur will need help reading some of the old Khuzdul runes, you were always good at those."

Kíli nodded, but didn't look up. Fíli sighed, and berated himself for mentioning the trip. Up until now today had been pretty good, Kíli had been present, and was using iglishmek. He hadn't spoken though, not since that one night where he had been half asleep.

The door to the hall opened and Fíli saw Thorin walk in.  _Great, just what Kíli needs, to be yelled at again by our kind Uncle._

Thorin sat down next to Kíli, very aware of Fíli's glare from across the table. He knew they had every right to be angry with him, but he wanted to make it right.  _Control your anger._

He watched Kíli study the puzzle for a few more moments, then cleared his voice. Kíli's eyes flashed up.

"Bofur expects you tomorrow in the library after breakfast." Thorin tells him, Kíli nods, looking defeated.

No one spoke for a while, until finally Thorin took a breathe and said:

"After the Battle of Azanulbizar, I didnt have anyone, my family, the ones I loved were gone."

Kíli finally looked up at his uncle. This was the first time Thorin had ever spoken of the aftermath of Azanulbizar.

"I-I went inside myself, didn't speak to anyone for weeks, I was so overcome with grief I couldn't-"

Then he paused.

"But then I realized that  _his_ death was not my fault. He died protecting me because he loved me."

Kíli stared at Thorin.  _Was he talking about Frerin?_

"Im sorry Ive been so hard on you. I was-I hated seeing you like this and it-it reminded me too much of when I-"

Then it dawned on Kíli; Thorin had gone through this too, and in his own stoic, subtle  _Thorin_ way, was trying to help. Suddenly Kíli felt a surge of gratitude towards his uncle. He held up his hands, silencing Thorin, and then signed " _It is okay."_ and then " _Thank you."_

Thorin smiled, " _You are welcome."_

**888**

Kíli woke to the dim flickering of the torch. What had happened? He tried to remember, but only saw flashes. He and Fíli had been walking, maybe to the market? And the ground had caved in. He looked up, and was surprised to see himself at the bottom of an abandoned well. Dim light shone through the hole they had fallen through, 50 feet above.  _Fíli._ Where was Fíli? He turned around and saw his brother laying unconscious next to him, his forehead bleeding from the impact. Kíli fought to suppress panic as he shook his brother. He could feel his lips forming his brother's name,  _Fíli, Fíli Fíli!_ But no sound came out. He looks up and hears the voices from the market, he had to call for help! _But I can't._ He slowly stood up,  _Maybe I can climb out?_ But the walls were slick and slippery with water, mud and slime. He couldn't get a firm grip. He looked down at his brother, was Fíli's face always that pale? Kíli opened his mouth,  _help! Help me!_ But it was only a whoosh of air. Frustrated, he kicked the side of the wall and then banged his fists against the wet stone. The sound didnt carry far. Fighting panic, he tried again and again to shout until he finally slid down onto the floor. He put his head in his hands and sighed.  _It's hopeless._

He then looked up at his brother and saw the dark pool underneath his head; Fíli was hurt, and bleeding and there was nothing he could do. He had never felt so helpless in his entire life. He looked up, the hole looked so small. They needed to get out of here, now. Right now! This was different from the last time, last time Fíli wasn't dying. He couldn't bare a world without his brother. He suddenly felt a surge of power.

"Help." Kíli whispered and jumped at the sound of his own voice.

"Help!" he says a bit louder, a bit stronger.

He bangs on the stone walls, "HELP! Somebody help us!" he shouts

"We're stuck in the well, please! Please help!" he keeps shouting, his voice getting stronger as his panic starts to rise.

"Lad?" a voice from above, Kíli looks up and sees the faint outline of Nori, and another head. Dwalin maybe?

"Who's down there?" they ask

"Kíli! And Fíli! We fell down, and Fíli is hurt! Please, please help us!" Kíli shouts.

" Was that Kíli? He spoke!" Nori exclaims

"Hold on lads, we're going to get rope. Stay there, we're going to get you out!" Dwalin shouts down, and then disappears.

Kíli puts his head against the wall and sighs. He felt different, lighter but all of that was overpowered by the concern for his brother. He was so worr-

"Kíli?" a soft voice.

Kíli looked up from the wall and saw Fíli's eyes open. He kneels down next to his brother and grabbed his hand.  _Yes I am here._

"What ha-" Fíli's question was cut off as he started coughing, he put his hand to his lips and was surprised to see blood on his fingers. He looked up and Kíli, fighting panic, Kíli squeezed his hand and then took a deep breathe, "Everything is going to be fine. I wont let anything happen to you, brother." he said. His voice was raspy and hoarse, but it was there. Despite the dire circumstances, Fíli smiled. "I know. Im glad you're here with me."

"Lads! Im going to throw down the rope!" A voice shouted from above. Dwalin had returned!

"We're ready!" Kíli shouted back, then he squeezed Fíli's hand once more and stood up, ready to grab the rope.

"Tie it tight around Fíli, we're going to pull him up first." Dwalin shouted back as he threw the rope down. Kíli caught it with one hand, and then turned to Fíli.

"Are you ready?"

Fíli nodded and smiled, "It's so good to hear your voice, Kíli." he mumbles softly. Kíli blushes and stares only for a moment at his feet, and then kneels down next to his brother.

"Can you sit up?" he asks gently, Fíli nods again and with Kíli's help sits up. Kíli ties the rope securly around Fíli and then places his brother's hands around the rope.

"Hang on tight."

Fíli nods.

"Dwalin! We're ready!" Kíli shouts up, and the elder dwarf begins to pull.

Fíli panics as he starts to lift up  _why isn't Kíli coming with me? We can't leave him behind!_

"Kíli?!"

"It's alright, Fíli. I will be right up, I promise!" Kíli reasures him.

"Good."

As Kíli was pulled out of the well, he felt something melt in his chest. He had saved Fíli, everything was okay. He felt relief, and suddenly realized that the strong pull of guilt that hung in his gut was lessened slightly. It hadnt disapeared all together, but had lessened just enough to free his voice.

Dwalin pulled him up out of the hole and onto the ground, scootching him away from the hole.

"Are you alright, lad?" He asked

Kíli nodded.

"We're going to get Fíli to the infirmary, are you hurt?"

Kíli shook his head, "I'm fine, look after Fíli." he murmured softly. Dwalin stared for only a moment, and then smiled. "There's a good lad, always looking out for his brother."

Dwaline grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Kíli.

"You were very brave."

Kíli smiled, "Thank you."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, please review. There will be more shortly, I need to think for a few days about what's going to happen next. Any ideas would be appreciated!


End file.
